Can't Change It

I am probably one of the biggest planners you will ever meet. Some people would say that I have OCD about planning and making sure that I know and understand every little detail or have an agenda to something. I wouldn't necessarily disagree with that statement either, I can be a perfectionist. And by that, I mean try to be a perfectionist.

Perfectionism: the belief that our worth is contingent upon what others think of us and how well we perform

I'm the one that people love vacationing with because all they have to do is show up. I'm the one that people can count on to find the best restaurants or cafes in a new area. I'm the one that people want to be in a group with because I'll do all the work. I'm the one that people will text for itineraries because I have them all saved on a spreadsheet. So needless to say, planning is a part of my DNA.

You would think that there's nothing bad about when my OCD and perfectionism self comes out, but there's been plenty of moments that these exact things become my own worse enemy. My inner self and anyone who has been around me during a mishap can tell you that it is absolute pure chaos when something doesn't go my way after spending many hours in the day, many days in the week, and many weeks in the month to plan something just for it not to go the way I had intended it to. I don't know what to do other than to panic, cry, rage, shut down, or all of the above.

There have been many times where I can recall instances where things have not gone my way, but one experience that I remember clearly was the day of my boyfriend's birthday. I had planned for us what I thought was supposed to be the perfect birthday for. I planned it down to a T, there were not supposed to be any mistakes. There was just no way that I was going to let it happen. This is an example itinerary of what I had planned for our day to look like.

8am - Get ready for the day

9am - Leave my house to pick him up

9:30am - Arrival at his house

10:00am - Load beach cruisers in back of car

10:10am- Leave to go to Newport Beach, CA

11:00 - Check in to Lido Café for brunch (a cute café that sits on the shore of the Balboa Peninsula)

11:45am - Drive closer to the beach, park, and cruise around the beach / lounge on the grassy field that overlooks the beach for an hour before the big surprise

12:45pm - Load beach cruisers back in car and walk over to paddle boarding shop

1:00 pm - Go paddle boarding in Balboa Peninsula for 1-2 hours

3:00 pm - Get lunch at a brewing bar and grill

5:00 pm - Come back to the beach and sit in the back of my trunk and watch the sunset

That sounds like a pretty solid plan that I had, right? Yeah, no. The day did not go according to plan. Long story short, after brunch I ended up circling two hours looking for parking, crying and giving my boyfriend the silent treatment during the entirety of our paring experience, finally finding parking back where we originally were for brunch, taking out my beach cruiser to find out that I had a flat tire, laying in the grass not even wanting to paddleboard anymore, checking into the board rental shop and grabbing the wrong paddle sticks, getting sea sick on my paddle board, leaving our paddle board session an hour early, and getting served cold taco bell lunch. You can only imagine that the planner in me was NOT very happy, AT ALL.

What was supposed to be the perfectly planned day for my boyfriend ended up in me crying, giving him the silent treatment, and ending the festivities early. By the way, none of which were his fault whatsoever. At the end of the day I found him consoling and comforting me, and then apologizing to me that the day didn't go as planned. He told me that the day was still perfect to him because he got to spend it with me (he's literally my walking angel on earth). At this point in the day, I realized that he was right (per usual), and that life happens and there are always going to be things that are out of my control.

One thing that I have learned that has helped me tremendously is the "Can't Change It" rule. When there is a situation that is out of your control, there is no use in spending your energy in a negative way. Instead, give yourself 5 minutes max to be upset, frustrated, disappointed, hurt, etc. and move on from it. The feelings you feel can't change the outcome of the day, but your outlook can change the outcome of the day. I spent the whole day disappointed and upset that the day didn't go as I planned because I had high expectations for it. Little did I know, he was going to be just as happy doing nothing I had planned that day or doing everything I had planned that day. I just ended up spreading negative energy that day, and that was not on the agenda.

"Disappointment is unmet expectations, and the more significant the expectations, the more significant the disappointment."

Knowing what I know now, and applying the can't change it rule, I have been able to better cope with my feelings and emotions when things don't always go as planned. When things are out of my control, I have to remind myself that it's inevitably a part of life.