Valuing Vulnerability

"I can't do vulnerabilty because I don't want to be seen as weak."

How many times have you heard this excuse or even made this excuse yourself?

Guilty. I know that I have struggled with being vulnerable with others because I was fearful of the idea of sharing too much and having it used against me. At some point in our lives, we have all shared the fear of being vulnerable with someone else other than ourselves. We become afraid of rejection so we don't let people know what we are really like. We hide behind this armor, behind a mask (no pun intended), and pretend to be someone we aren't in order to protect ourselves. We think that if people see our true selves, and if they don't like it, we will feel hurt and rejected.

I just finished a book titled "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown. This book talks about how vulnerability has the power to transform the way we love and lead. Daring Greatly is showing up and letting ourselves be seen - this is vulnerability, this is daring greatly. I have taken out important and powerful messages from the book and summarized it into a quick 3 minute read, but if you are someone who is interested in reading more about the power of vulnerability, I would highly recommend this masterpiece.

Vulnerability is the source of all meaningful connection.

"Connection is why we are here. We are hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives us purpose and meaning in our lives, and without it there is suffering."

The truth is, the fear of being vulnerable causes us to disconnect with the world. It limits us from sharing a deep and meaningful connection with those around us.

Fear itself is the destructor of all relationships for these reasons:

Fear makes us defensive.

We are afraid to reveal ourselves because when people point out our weakness, we retaliate or defend ourselves.

Fear keeps us distant.

We don't want people to get close to us because then they might just see the real us. We want to keep withdrawing and hide our emotions. We stay away from transparency and honesty.

Fear makes us demanding.

The more insecure we are, the more we attempt to control everything. Maybe this is why we try to have the last word in every conversation. Maybe this is why we try to dominate.

The level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection. We must reach deeper into ourselves if we want to build meaningful connections and find our purpose.

Vulnerability is: + the core, the heart, the center of meaningful human experiences

+ not knowing victory or defeat, it's understanding the necessity of both

+ the cradle of the emotions and experiences that we crave

+ the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity

Now think of a time where someone shared something personal with you. What was your initial thought? I'm sure it was something along the lines of "Wow, thank you for being courageous enough to share that with me. It means a lot." It wasn't "Okay, why would you share that with me? Now I feel uncomfortable." That is when you start to form real connections, when you are able to empathize with someone and see them, not just hear them.

Think of your most meaningful relationships. Why are the meaningful and special to you? When I ask myself this question and think of my most meaningful relationships, my answer remains in one truth. The one truth being that I can be myself around this person or that I feel comfortable with this person. My most meaningful relationships are with people who allow me to be myself and who allow me to share my truth. This is how vulnerability can transform.

We must find the courage within ourselves to share with the world who we really are.

"Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage."

When others see that sharing doesn't have to be a scary thing, they are more inclined to share. When others see that being vulnerable breeds meaningful human connection, they are more inclined to share. When others see that you can live out your truth and purpose through the power of being vulnerable, they will be more inclined to share. This one word holds so much meaning and power.

We must use it and be the light so that others can love who they really are.